I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize