1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
ugly people sure do ruin things
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
