Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
