My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
