thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
we made out on top of his cat.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We had sex on a dog bed..
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize