Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
