I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Small penises have feelings too.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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