Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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