Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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