i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
