just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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