I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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