it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
