You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
