woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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