these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
