This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
