there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
