Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize