I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
