Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
