I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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