I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
