you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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