his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
