Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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