Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
