Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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