Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
