I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
