Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize