The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
