How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
