I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
