ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
