I wish I could punch you in the face.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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