I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
