I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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