Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
