if you like me you must not know who I am
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
