i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
