So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have demons in me.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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