if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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