I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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