so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
