I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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