i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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