Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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