barbara walters just said penis...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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