Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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