I want to make a zoo with you.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
