it wasn't lemon gatorade
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
