quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
