I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
