my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
