I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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