Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
