these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
