So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
