I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
