you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
did i just pee glitter
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
