i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
