At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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