So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
