I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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