so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
