i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
