This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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