so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
